There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize