If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
