i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
