Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
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