I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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