where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
