Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
