You really coming over, don't trick.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My penis needs a shock collar
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
