i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
