Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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