literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
