They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
