Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
