it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did i walk over a car last night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize