we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
