wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
