I wannas sexs uuuuu
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
