Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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