? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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