So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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