I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
worst night to have a conscience
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize