She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
