i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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