I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
