We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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