somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
