when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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