I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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