I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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