Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
