My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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