so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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