I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
