We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
