Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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