Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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