Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
