Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
