he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
