i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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