I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
