We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
