He is an equal opportunity slut.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
