found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
