super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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