i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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