What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
they need to just BURY HIM!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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