My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
