My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
