I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
