..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
