Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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