How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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