I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
