I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
