Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
