New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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