The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
