Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
