i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
