last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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