Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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