Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
