Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
