dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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