i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
