I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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