You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
