Pregnant stripper...not hot.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
