I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
