doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
