He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
