We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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