make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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