You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
