dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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