i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
