just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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