Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
