You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm like, not good at living.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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