You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
