Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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