Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
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